Even Wonderful Girls have Tough Days
Tonight was another one of those 5 year old meltdowns. I could see it coming towards the end of dinner. She wasn't hungry anymore, and she wanted time to "get her energy out". I suspect part of this was because her sister had been sick, so I had made an exception and let them just watch TV while I made dinner. When we told her it was already late, and time to do PJs after dinner, the meltdown began. Pouting under the table... dragging herself to bring in her plate. Weird noises... We just continued our routine and asked her to get her PJs on again. She didn't so we pulled the first story. She continued to fight and scream, trying to push my every button, but finally got her PJs on, and fought some more before teeth. We pulled the post-teeth-video. She got more upset. I sat down with her on the floor, offered to help & do her teeth for her. She sobbed and sobbed, and insisted that she had done something good, but didnt want to tell me because I wouldn't believe her.
Hmm...
This had taken a tough turn. It was now that I needed her to know that I loved her. I told her I in fact did and would believe that she did something good, because she is a wonderful girl. And even wonderful girls have tough days/nights. And it was OK to have a tough night. I would still love her, and I would still believe in her, no matter what. It took numerous repetitions of this theme for her to finally calm down enough to tell me that she had cleared Daddy's glass from the table for him when he had forgotten. I insisted I believed her and that that was a very nice thing to do. She cried some more...
But eventually, the meltdown subsided. I brushed her teeth, she cried a little at missing the video, but we moved onto the story in her room, talked a bit - she apologized for being bad, we cuddled, and she fell asleep on me.
These girls have taught me an immense amount of patience. When they are fighting us or being bad, I try to get down on their level and help them move through it. However, my husband and I talked a little during this meltdown. It was important that I stay firm, and not just give in. We want her to know that rules are rules, and that while sometimes we get special times to break from routine, our routine is usually what we stick to, and she won't always get her way. Now I will admit, there are times I let them get their way more than perhaps my husband would. For whatever reason, our oldest has taken to requesting certain paths on the drive home "go Daddy's way" "go the short way" "go a new way"... ultimately each direction is within minutes of the other, so I dont really mind/care. She sometimes gets mad if she tells me too late and I don't veer off to her whim, but I've told her that she needs to tell me far enough ahead that I can safely turn. She's gotten upset, but I stick with that notion.
Ultimately, I guess I go with firm but loving. I don't mind saying yes here and there... they want to learn what they can control. But I also don't mind saying no either. And tonight, I was oddly calm through the whole thing. I felt for her frustration, I felt for her anger, I knew she was struggling and just wanted her way. But I'm glad we stuck with our rules, and she came out of it on the other side realizing I loved her even when she wasn't doing as we asked. Wonderful girls can have Tough Days.
Hmm...
This had taken a tough turn. It was now that I needed her to know that I loved her. I told her I in fact did and would believe that she did something good, because she is a wonderful girl. And even wonderful girls have tough days/nights. And it was OK to have a tough night. I would still love her, and I would still believe in her, no matter what. It took numerous repetitions of this theme for her to finally calm down enough to tell me that she had cleared Daddy's glass from the table for him when he had forgotten. I insisted I believed her and that that was a very nice thing to do. She cried some more...
But eventually, the meltdown subsided. I brushed her teeth, she cried a little at missing the video, but we moved onto the story in her room, talked a bit - she apologized for being bad, we cuddled, and she fell asleep on me.
These girls have taught me an immense amount of patience. When they are fighting us or being bad, I try to get down on their level and help them move through it. However, my husband and I talked a little during this meltdown. It was important that I stay firm, and not just give in. We want her to know that rules are rules, and that while sometimes we get special times to break from routine, our routine is usually what we stick to, and she won't always get her way. Now I will admit, there are times I let them get their way more than perhaps my husband would. For whatever reason, our oldest has taken to requesting certain paths on the drive home "go Daddy's way" "go the short way" "go a new way"... ultimately each direction is within minutes of the other, so I dont really mind/care. She sometimes gets mad if she tells me too late and I don't veer off to her whim, but I've told her that she needs to tell me far enough ahead that I can safely turn. She's gotten upset, but I stick with that notion.
Ultimately, I guess I go with firm but loving. I don't mind saying yes here and there... they want to learn what they can control. But I also don't mind saying no either. And tonight, I was oddly calm through the whole thing. I felt for her frustration, I felt for her anger, I knew she was struggling and just wanted her way. But I'm glad we stuck with our rules, and she came out of it on the other side realizing I loved her even when she wasn't doing as we asked. Wonderful girls can have Tough Days.
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